Bittersweet Ballet

Where did it all go?  This is what I was thinking after about 10 minutes of 1st position, 5th position, plié, and tendu.  Last night’s ballet class.  BEGINNER ballet class.

I realized very quickly that having a baby via c-section, complete with 3rd trimester “hypertension watch” due to severe swelling, has pretty much depleted me of balance.  Soon after, I gasped quietly as stabbing pains of “Hey!  Wait!  Swelling in the knees for three months!” began to throb from trying to mimic the teacher’s beautifully twisted toes.  Add to that the tippy-toes and the sweeping toes and then top it off with an absolutely unbearably numb abdomen… and I was in tears before I knew it.

Yeah, that’s me, the girl running — er, walking very quickly to the bathroom so she can cry it out and get back to the barre.  Okay, the chair backs we were using as substitutes until the real thing arrives.  It just feels nice to sound pretty by saying barre.  Barrrrrrre….

SIGH.

Okay… I can do this.  I can do this.  It’s just a shock and a surprise and embarrassing and man, I’m angry too!  I don’t like not being able to feel my tummy muscles as I try to hold them in — er, engage them.  Ugh.  Not a pretty feeling.

I wanted a pretty feeling.  😦

Oh well… at least I feel like I accomplished something by getting right back on the horse after crying things out in the ladies’ room.  At least the other ladies in the class were very friendly and didn’t treat me like some alien for my little episode.  And at least I was able to finish the class.  And at least I had a friend or two to commiserate with afterward… before going to pick up that little angel of a young man to whom I owe all of this unbearable pleasure — er, bearable displeasure.  He’s definitely worth it.  At least that is true.

🙂  Okay.  I blogged it all out.  I feel better.  Hopefully my body will, too.

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2 thoughts on “Bittersweet Ballet

  1. I have the same problem with the numbness in my abdomen post c-section. It is good to hear I am not alone in that. None of my other mommy friends had c-section babies so I have no one to commiserate with… Now I have Dottie!

    Hugs lady bug!!

    Erin

    • Erin! We wanted to get together didn’t we!

      Yes, yes, a friend of mine just told me (she has two grown teenagers, Csections on both) that there is a probability that the numbness comes from some sort of packaging they stuffed in my abdomen with tons of numbing meds in it… she said it took three years for the feeling to come back. So there is a hope for me/us — however, I still think I will get prayer about the numbness going away. Hey let’s have a coffee date! FB me with a couple of days you’re free in the next couple of weeks?

      xox
      Dottie

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