I am officially 32 weeks pregnant, and this is the home stretch… and it is really a stretch! Not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. (Y’all can create your own pun about stretch marks here… hee hee…)
I want to make every moment count, but I am so uncomfortable and tired a lot of the time, and it is hard to focus on anything, to make up my mind about an attitude and stick to it.
Yesterday at my (awesome) church the pastor opened up his sermon with a speech on pregnant women — and the powerlessness they experience! I have to say, I was laughing about it but it surprised me and blessed me very much.
The worship had already brought me to a place where I could emotionally remember that I wanted to do what God wants (“Not my will but yours be done” — including pregnancy! It’s a beautiful calling to have children! — telling myself this helps), and that we as women are also “blessed beyond the curse” of childbearing. Finally, I had felt an anointing of sorts to view this as a sacrifice of love, to carry this child, one that mirrors what the Lord has already done and continues to do for us.
So as the pastor began his sermon about Christ’s powerlessness and how God wants to minister to us and commune with us in the places we are powerless, I felt not only very validated but also a deep sense of peace about everything I am going through now. God is so good. Again: Nothing Else First but “I love you.” How amazing.
What else but those truths did I cling to then, last night when I battled sleeplessness and hunger and heartburn until nearly 1:30 am (we get up at 4:30am)? I started journaling to record all the day’s thoughts and feelings and revelations, and here is what came out of it.
About 12 weeks ago we asked for prayer that Baby Girl would decide to come on her own a bit earlier than her due date, as we are trying for a non-induction VBAC. A leader in our “Life Group” (aka small group Bible study during the week) felt like the Lord gave us the following numbers to pray/ask for: May 20th, 7 lbs, 3 oz. Whether that little prophecy comes true or not remains to be seen and is entirely in the Lord’s hands, but we’re asking with hope! Now, if Baby Girl were to come on May 20th, well, that’s 40 days from now… I realized as I journaled. Something about that spoke to me.
40 days is a classic time period of prayer and focus on God. We are in the final stretch of the 40-day Lent period now! So I asked the Lord, How can I make the next 40 days special; how can I spend them? How can I do it, period? Help me. Guide me. Thank you for walking with me through this.
I felt a small glimpse of an answer sort of peter through. In my personal Lent observance this year, I have traded thoughts of guilt for thoughts of freedom, thankfulness, or just confession of my sin to the Lord. Now I felt the Lord was nudging me to trade my thoughts of frustration and anger for a set thought of thankfulness and a request, each day a different set, that He would give me. I can’t express how, but he nudged me to that by giving me the first prayer, which I then prayed in obedience and with a lot of renewed purpose and joy about the remainder of this pregnancy!
Day 01. Lord, today I am going to pray that she will arrive safely, and thank you for the lack of complications so far. I feel that is all you want from me. Thank you for your love and acceptance of where I’m at.
So… that is Day 01. Tomorrow I will try to sit and blog about what today brings (I am still kind of soaking in yesterday’s experience)! God bless y’all!