I have waited so much longer for this baby’s arrival than I thought I would ever have to! We are in the final stretch of waiting, however… I thought I would sit down, open a vein and write about my thoughts and feelings at this point.
The Lord has given me a number of small encouraging words in the past couple of weeks, to help me through each day. Here are a few:
God has a wonderful plan for her birth, and He knows her birthday. I had really struggled with feeling like this birth experience, no matter how healthy, might be as traumatic as my first birth experience. So much labor, then a c-section anyway… or perhaps my body refusing to labor at all. There was something about this “word” which encouraged me to remember that God has planned good for me and my baby, not evil. This is not to say that bad can’t happen, but more to say that he can use it for good, like so many other times in my life. I can stand on the truth of that and throw out those fears with much confidence.
She is worth it! So many times when I hit a rough spot in life, I throw up my hands and say “I just want to be done!” or “Why do we have to go through this?! I just want to be at home in heaven where there is no more pain, suffering, swollen feet, sore belly or body, or hormonal upheaval.” I am learning to hold fast to that beautiful lyric “I am blessed beyond the curse” and claim that my daughter is worth it! My children and family are worth it. And, in doing that, I often find the grace that God talks about providing in these rough times.
One Day at a Time. I have to let go sometimes of the “what if” or “when” of this pregnancy. It’s not so much a control issue as a worry issue. I really tend to fear too much and here God meets me in that and calls me out into trusting him and walking each moment… all on its own… am I in labor now? No? So why worry about it?
Those are just a couple. I have many more, but in the interest of not boring you with my ongoing emotional preggo crap which, quite honestly, bores me at times… I will just say that I am looking forward to being on the other side of this. Yes, and I am thankful that I can feel that feeling — so many times I have seen others walk through a storm which has no definite end in sight… and that takes even more grace and clinging to the truths that God provides us than I have had to do… I admire those “Job” hearts to no end.